It never really goes the way you imagine it to go.
I intended on abstaining from sugary, desserty gloriousness and Facebook for lent. That never happened. I was going strong for about four days, when God decided that He wanted to withdraw from me, my comfort. He had plans for me to hand over much more than just a warm slice of winterberry pie à la mode from my favorite local pie shop, or a few status updates proclaiming my deep emotional connection to Thai food, sushi, and the impeccable raw curry cabbage and cauliflower recipe I had freshly discovered. I say, “God decided” because I felt like I didn’t have much of a choice. It was either, be obedient. Or, be obedient. You can take a wild guess at which one I elected.
I gave it all up.
I gave up listening to lies about myself that had been spoken over me all my life: lies about what it looked like to be successful, lies about how flawlessness is the minimal requirement in order to reach out to others or make a difference, and lies about needing to appear “put together” all the time (…whatever that even means). I gave up security. I gave up familiarity. I gave up opportunities. I walked away from relationships I had spent years building and investing in, and time I know I will never get back. I dropped projects I had devoted my heart to and still one hundred and ten percent, believe in. I abandoned hopes, and I surrendered dreams.